dont let a girl tell you “its not a race” during stroking. because it is. race to get the nut? won it. who got their pants on first? me. numero uno skrrrrting out the driveway? me. while shes back there in bed texting her friends about my weak dick im already making the next maneuvers. premature ejaculation is a social construct you tortoise bitch
Living with a dog is like having a furry drunk person following you around all the time.
I can actually sense a dog in my future.
Holy fuck. I never really understood how they caught birds before, I assumed they had to sneak up on them.
How was this even caught on camera?
In this time of term papers I wanted to draw my patron deity, Bullshitticus, god of students and general last minute fudgery, sitting upon his Golden Futon, attended by the muses Caffeina and Thesaurae, whose powers of artificial energy and pretentious vocabulary can be invoked in case of the all-nighter.
I like to think he’s Dionysus’s second cousin or something.
This is genius…
all wise words from the sagest of the sage.
okay woWIE YOU GUYS REALLY NEED TO WATCH THIS BECAUSE PANTENE DID A COMMERCIAL ABOUT HOW SHIT LABELS AGAINST WOMEN ARE AND ITS JUST SO GREAT WOWIE
I’ve been laughing for 84 years
my g spot is located about 2 inches inside your wallet
it’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary
Get ready to lay 50 eggs